


why wait for the best (when i can have you)

by Rosa3669



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: ., Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artist Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes is Dyslexic, Bucky Barnes is a doctor, Catholic Guilt, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Hurt Steve Rogers, Jewish Holidays, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, POV Steve Rogers, Parental ignorance, Past Abuse, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Sleepy Cuddles, Smut, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson Friendship, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-01-21 11:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21298778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosa3669/pseuds/Rosa3669
Summary: It has been two years since Steve Rogers has been thawed from the ice. He knows he should be grateful, the world keeps reminding him that he is alive, the Captain made it through.But, did Steve Rogers make it back?Enter Bucky Barnes, a 26-year-old surgeon who worms his way in a heart that had somehow stopped beating.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Jane Foster/Thor, Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 11
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!   
So, here's the first chapter. It's quite mediocre but anyways suggestions and comments are welcomed.

Its a strange sense of deja vu, like an odd sort of recollection, barely-there. The kind of memory that does make its presence known but through filters. He remembers that he was here, before when a strong blow of wind would have blown him away or when he would break a leg but they are not as prominent, a matter of fact almost nothing is these days. Mostly, he remembers not having two pennies to rub together much less being able to afford to go to a hospital as big but back then her mother would often smuggle in medicines, gauzes, bandages from the City Hospital which was a trodden down building with two floors, painted in a sickly yellow (which he hadn't known about back then, obviously). Somehow, it had survived through the years made, he almost cried when he saw it. 

Now, as Steve Rogers walks through the squeaky clean white corridors flooded with champagne lights and walks past a banner which reads 'LILLIES AND SUNSHINE: 12TH ANNIVERSARY', the whole hospital along with patients who have been approved to attend along with donors is sitting in a hall which could fit almost half of Central Park, the hospital hosts this charity every year to raise money for the orphanage wing of the City Atlantic Organisation. Ever since he's been dug (thawed?) from the ice he has been attending, the first time he came he remembers almost heaving his dinner in the sink when he saw his mother being mentioned, her sheer name had sent him reeling. But, after three years of therapy and a lifetime of learning how to cope with anger, its easier. Not good or better just simpler.

"Rogers, here!", Natasha looks stunning, well she almost always does. Her red hair bouncing as they touch her shoulder. He waves back, "I was afraid you were going to ditch." She says accusingly, Steve smiles "Well, I almost did then I remembered that I prefer my head attached to my neck" 

"Fair Point" She rolls her eyes. Natasha walks until she grabs a glass of milkshake, makes a crappy excuse of there not being another drink available and then gulps it down shamelessly, and still somehow has the nerve to curse the chef for adding less sugar. His speech had been a hoot, he had mentioned the new developments being added to the small school the organization runs by Stark Industries, makes a few jokes which make the kids laugh and gives the hefty donation to the old lady who smiles kindly at him. He doesn't feel tired like he usually does in these type of functions, he doesn't wait for it to get over and punch some bags, it might not be a stretch to say he likes it. The kids, the bright colors, the constant laughter, a minimum amount of narcissistic assholes who bug him, etc. It took him seven months to start feeling comfortable in a room full of strangers looking at him as if he is an amusement of some sort like his pain is something to be splashed on tabloids. 

"Captain Rogers," a small sultry voice says and it takes him about three seconds to recognize it. Anna Woods, the fashion icon who graduated from some huge college and is now an activist, she is fine and tolerable and beautiful just a little too...friendly. Just when he is about to call Natasha or signal her something which somehow may convey 'Help!' but she has already disappeared. Some friends he has. "Anna, you look well" He smiles, "I am, but could be a whole lot better" the tone is suggestive and Steve is not an idiot; he knows the effect he has on women and sometimes, even men, the way she bites her lip and twirls her glass of milkshake-like a glass of wine which would have looked funny if he wasn't thinking about making a run for it. "You look very nice." She says and moves a little closer and-

_Splash!_

The white shirt under his suit gets drenched in the white-colored shake, strawberry?. Anna chuckles a little" Would you look at that? I am so sorry" No, she isn't. As she tries to grab the tissues from the small box kept on the table, Steve steps back" I should get this cleaned...before it stains" And God, his voice sounds awkward to his ears but 'Now or Never' right?. "I could help" She suggests with a slight wink, " No, it's fine. Really. Thanks for the offer, though" Steve would deny that he walked or almost ran towards the nearest exit of the hall but, then he would be lying.

He walks until he sees a watchman who automatically salutes him, and Steve being Steve tries to prevent his fingers from getting stuck to the shirt and hence fails horribly at his attempt to return it "Sir, Have you seen a washroom nearby?" He asks and the guard laughs "The nearest one would be down the hallway but since that's getting renovated you'd have to use the one on the fourth floor" He says apologetically " Thanks" Steve mutters almost halfway in the elevator. The fourth floor is quiet, like unnaturally so, almost half of the people are downstairs but there are still enough that can be seen here. The corridor along with the huge window, which shows almost all of, New York the light almost blinding. He is pretty sure, he had a fear of heights back in the day but now, that seems like a moot point when he lives in a 70 story building. 

Steve opens the door which has the Bathroom Sign Board, a girl with two pigtails, not older than ten or maybe twelve shushes him. "Get inside!" Another voice whispers, and Steve in Steve like fashion answers" Mmgh?" and then, " Will you close the damn door?" and that does it, he shuts the door. The first thing he notices, this isn't the Men's room. It's a patient's room and the said patient is a small girl with two pigtails, wearing a long sweater, with a pout that says he has somehow done something wrong in their two seconds of acquaintance, next to her bed is the IV stand and the monitor which is beeping at a rhythmic rate. "Did anybody see us?" She asks and Steve is just about to answer or apologize but then he realizes the question is directed towards someone else.

Brown eyes, dark-ish hair and a tiny, smile are what greets him as he turns his focus to the man standing next to him. "I don't think so, did you see anyone?" He asks and looks at Steve "No. Just a few couple nurses" He answers immediately, and Steve almost forgets that he is covered in Strawberry Shake but then looks around to see that the smell is from the small cake sitting next to a tray table which he would knock over if he moves another inch. Steve notices that the man is looking at him, but that could be an illusion" Come on, Bucky we have to get started Martha would be here any minute" She whines and the man, Bucky? laughs. A slow, rich laugh "Would you be joining us, Captain?" Bucky asks and before Steve can answer the girl throws the box of matchsticks over to him "Light em carefully, I don't have more" 

"I am compelled to ask what this is, but sure" Steve responds and gets to work " Just you know, we are having a secret, illegal birthday party. Don't rat us out" Bucky whispers as he hands him the candles "Scout's honor" He whispers back. "Okay, now before this is done, my name is Lia. I am nine, and you are?" Lia says and looks at him "I am Steve, I turned 103 recently" and Bucky snorts when Lia looks at him again and raises her eyebrows as if asking him to get with the routine " I am Bucky, who is going to lose his job if you don't quit stalling and cut the cake I smuggled inside" 

The situation is bizarre, he has no idea what is happening. Before he knows it, Lia cuts the cake and Bucky sings an awfully off tuned 'Happy Birthday' which Steve joins and Lia laughs at it. And, when it's done, the smuggled cake is hidden in the bag of the smuggler and the lights are turned off before Steve and Bucky walk out of the room. "Do I have frosting?" Bucky asks and Steve squints his eyes "Nope". "So, you work here?" Steve asks and Bucky nods "Yeah, and you don't. So, what were you doing here?" The elevator opens "I was looking for the Men's room and the sign was outside Lia's room, so I thought" Bucky laughs again, "My money is on Kids Prank" and strangely enough Steve joins in. " I am Bucky, by the way," Bucky holds out his hand and Steve shakes it " Steve". "Why did you have to sneak the cake in?" Steves asks and Bucky rolls his eyes, "Cause, its a hospital and they don't allow outside food in" he tips his head back a little and just as quickly " Lia is sick, she can't do much physical activity. And, she wanted to have something nice for her birthday" Steve nods" She looked happy" Steve says just to wipe that small frown off Bucky's face. 

Bucky sighs and the lift stops at the second floor, where he gets out and smiles " I'll see you around, Cap" and Steve's huge grin catches him off guard " You too" 


	2. Chapter-2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey,  
Thanks for the positive support. Kudos and comments make me right faster!
> 
> Rosa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, Bucky's character has a lot of self-doubts and often has self-deprecating thoughts.   
Only mild though, but if you're not comfortable...heed the warning.

Bucky does not pinch himself when he leaves the hospital, he does not think about how blue Captain Rogers eyes are, and he doesn’t go into a small shock when he realizes that he was in the same room as a National Icon and a man hot enough to cause Global Warming.   
No. He doesn’t.  
Now, as he fumbles with the key while opening the door and manage to handle the steaming cup of coffee which falls on his navy blue button-up, he is ready for the day to get over. He is exhausted, surprisingly for the first time, not mentally but rather physically. His legs hurt, his hands feel like they are made of jelly and he is ready for the day to get over already. Bucky’s phone is on silent and is buzzing when he enters the bedroom from the kitchen after grabbing a pint of ice-cream, and after deciding against the fizzy coke because he is mature enough and has some semblance of control, its Becca. Of course, she had been begging Bucky to visit for Christmas and he has been putting off, she wants him to have company during the festive season and when he pulled some sleazy excuse about too much work (which is partially true) she resorted to blackmail and here, they are. “What is it?” Bucky picks up after the seventh ring because if he has learned anything from experience it’s the fact that ghostin’ Becca is never a good idea. “Good evening to you too, Bucky.” A too-loud voice greets him from the phone and because sass runs in the family’s blood he responds “I don’t know how time works in California but its ten-thirty here and since as far as I know time runs pretty same in all places of a continent. So, it’s night technically” he can hear the eye roll from the phone “Very funny. Anyways, what’s up?” The noise around her subsides “Nothing, I just came home.” Bucky answers and shoves a mouthful of butterscotch ice cream in his mouth just so he doesn’t spill much more.  
“It was Lia’s birthday.” Becca laughs at that “Oh, yeah I remember. How was it?” Bucky slides under the covers and almost cries at how good It feels “Nice, I sneaked in a little cake, and guess what? Martha didn’t notice. “Becca gasps dramatically “Damn.” She responds and then there are a heavy fifteen seconds of silence which makes Bucky feel suffocated “I know you don’t want to see mom and dad, and you don’t want to come home but I am moving out of the house in two months and I want you to visit. I have an apartment in mind, I want to rent. It’s beautiful, Bucky, like not huge but it has a spare room and the owner allowed Kiddo in the apartment. It’s heaven and cheap. I want you to see it. ” Here’s the thing, Bucky loves Rebecca Barnes. He would do anything for her, really there is not a lot Bucky would deny her if it’s within his power and it breaks his heart that his little sister has to make excuses to get him to visit, and if he was a better brother, a braver man he would have agreed, if he wasn’t selfish enough to place himself above everyone else he would have responded with an enthusiastic ‘Only if you pay for the tickets’ but the truth is, he isn’t. He is a coward, “I’ll try, Becks”.   
Bucky doesn’t sleep for a while after that.   
On 9th September, a week after, another coincidence of sorts strikes.   
At four-thirty, Bucky gets up to drink water and after when he realizes that his mouth has smudges of pasta on the edges he pushes himself out of the bed to clean up. He cleans the bedside with a wet cloth, makes his bed, fills the empty glass of water on the other side of the bed, washes the spoon he used for eating along with the plates and the glass and then methodically strips to get in the shower. He usually doesn’t sleep much, too restless or anxious, but today he is up at an unusually early hour and while he wants to be lazy and skip the morning run his eyes drift to his stomach where he notices some fat accumulating and immediately feels guilty for eating so much. He will sweat it out. That’s how he ends up putting on his running shoes and leaving his apartment at 4:45 am. Bucky has a very routine track, from his street to the next four to five blocks which are usually secluded this early except a few joggers who he notices and smiles at, some shop keepers turning the signs in front of their shops, gyms opening. He welcomes the cold breeze, he prefers running like this than on a treadmill, there are a very few things he doesn’t find stifling. His face is positively flushed and he is considering taking a small break after the first fifty minutes, but then remembers that there is this coffee shop he likes near the City Grocery Store and if he crawls the next 10-15 minutes he could have warm, sweet, coffee. Coffee. That’s enough motivation to make him start running again.  
The shop isn’t huge, it’s small but famous for its décor and the food, some booths are already filled with early runners and people who are devouring croissants and eggs. The shop has that old-school vibe, old posters and mellow music with open windows, it’s breathtaking. He doesn’t waste much time as he takes out his wallet from his track pants and almost sprints to the counter and then, two things happen simultaneously. Bucky realizes he has crashed into a six-foot-something of all muscle and the said muscle man’s coffee is now on the floor and then he makes the cosmic mistake up looking up and-   
That’s it, he is never going to live this down.  
Steve Rogers coffee is on the floor, his cup is in his hand as he worries his bottom lip looking more put together than Bucky has in his entire life, whereas Bucky looks like a ridiculous idiot, and then there is a rush of ‘I am so sorry’ from Bucky at least ten times which results in Steve answering repeatedly with ‘Its fine, really.’ The only positive fact being that no one pays much mind to this act, they just mind their own business and move along. When they stop (rather Steve stops) muttering, Bucky tones it down too and then just a barely-there smile graces Steve’s full lips and before he knows it, he is laughing.   
“As much as I am enjoying this, would you like to sit?” Steve asks and Bucky sobers up “You remember me?” Dumb fucking question. Steve looks as surprised as Bucky feels “I usually remember the names of people who make me commit crimes in hospitals” Steve smiles and then “Bucky” he says after just to make his point known. Bucky doesn’t remember laughing this much in this small period when his breathing returns to normal, he looks at Steve again.  
It’s going to be a good day.


	3. Chapter-3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I am back from the dead.   
Kudos and Comments are love.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Here, and again I am so-“

“Sorry?” Steve prompts because well, the small blush creeping on Bucky’s face is enough reason to tease him a little.

Steve accepts the hot cup of coffee from Bucky’s finger which he brought as sort of an apology for the spilled coffee.

They take the corner booth near the windows, so the board which has ‘Sugar and Spice’ written in bold obstructs their view.

“Do you come here often?” Bucky asks as he sits in front of Steve, as near to the windows as possible, Steve nods “Yeah, my friend recommended this place, and it’s in a secluded area. So it’s very unlikely that the media notices.” Bucky sips his coffee.

“That bad, huh?” Bucky asks his tone a little sympathetic, “You get used to it.” Steve answers with a slight smile. Which is a complete lie, when the world watches your every move the simplest of activities seem like a hardship, Steve though had figured his way around technology with ease but its effects were a little harder to adjust to? “What about you?” Steve clears his throat “How did you come by this place?” Bucky laughs mid-sip “It’s an odd story, you see” and then very carefully places the cup on the dingy table “Six years back, when I was still in college and you know, working as an intern and stuff. My friends decided that it would be a good idea to get drunk on a _Sunday_ night.” Bucky pauses when he notices Steve staring or at least, that’s what he thinks he sees. “Yeah, so we went to this bar thinking that we would have two beers and then head back, but that didn’t happen so… that’s how we ended up drunk on two bottles of Tequila and then ended up crashing here cause the whole taxi situation wasn’t great and the campus was very far and like, yeah, this old lady, Maggie, I think allowed us to sleep in the booths. God, it was…” Steve scoffs “Uncomfortable?” Bucky rolls his eyes.

Bucky is sweating, his fingers are holding the coffee cup tight, his feet are shaking and he looks…nervous. “Feelin hot?” Steve asks and Bucky laughs “Yeah, turns out running in this weather is still pretty…sweaty.” Steve raises an eyebrow “Running?” Bucky shrugs “Whenever I get off-days or my feet aren’t killing me.”

“That happens often?”. Steve asks and though he no longer understands the concept of physical exhaustion, he remembers the claws of asthma dragging its pointed nails all over his lungs. Needless to say, not a very warm memory. “Depends. Some days are better, some not so much.”

“What were you doing around?” Bucky asks and Steve looks at the window and then, glances back “Church”. Bucky remembers hearing that after being thawed out of the ice, that the good Captain had become an atheist. Everybody had something to say, outrageous comments were made, politicians, priests, generic pricks with nothing better to do. He remembers feeling empathy for the man whose name was splashed on the papers so carelessly, indirect jabs were made at his morals when headlines like _America’s golden boy not as ‘golden’ _were printed just shy of six months after his return.

“This early?” Bucky responds good-naturedly “I tend to go as early as possible.” Steve says and then, checks his phone after a little buzzing from the device that Bucky almost doesn’t notice, Steve sees the text, Bucky sees his eyes raking over the phone.

“I am sorry, I shouldn’t have kept you this long.” Bucky mumbles and Steve’s eyes turn a little soft, and for a moment Bucky is helpless not to do anything but stare. Steve Rogers is a beautiful man. It’s no shock, he has seen this look before, in interviews and charities and when journalists would catch him in a good mood. But, he hasn’t seen that look directed towards him, specifically. His heart stops for a full minute and his stomach does a backflip and he has to be drooling a little, by now. “You weren’t keeping me, It was nice talking to someone-“ And because Bucky is _just_ Bucky he quips “Clumsy?”. Steve grins, “I was gonna say normal.”

Soon after, they leave the booth and walk out as Steve pulls a baseball hat out of seemingly nowhere and puts it on, “The Yankees? Seriously?” Bucky asks and lets faux disappointment color his tone, Steve narrows his eyes and speaks “In my defense, they were good back in the 19s”. Steve opens the door and Bucky walks out after muttering a small ‘thanks’. “I have to go from this road, actually,” Bucky says as he remembers that at some point he has to stop mooning over Steve “Oh, okay”, Steve says mid-step. “Um…It was –“ Bucky halts “I had a-” Steve looks over and looks away with a slight smile.

“Yeah, you go.” Bucky gestures, “I had a good time, and if you don’t mind, like it’s no pressure but would you wanna do this again sometime, like just this. I mean, it’s no pressure obviously and I understand that we just met and-“ 

“Okay,” Bucky answers before Steve stops his rambling. “Oh, okay, that’s great.”

Bucky smiles and takes out his phone and hands it over to Steve with the dial pad, Steve takes it carefully and gives it back just as quickly. “I will text you.” Steve smiles and Bucky turns back as he starts walking towards the road and notices when he catches Steve looking.

_Me-How do Yankees Fans Change a Light Bulb?_

Bucky bites his lips and almost deletes the text when-

_S.R-No clue_

_Me-They don’t, they just talk about how good the old ones were._

_S.R-That was awful, don’t mock the elderly._

_Me- Made you laugh, though. _

_S.R- Good Point._


	4. Chapter-4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm sleep deprived and this probably sucks, sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanda is introduced earlier and is 18-19 years old.  
This is a little after the time when the whole Tesseract problem has been solved.

_April 11, 2011. _

_The world is in pieces, it’s been rattled by those monsters that were thought to be imaginary and made up. Creatures from another world whose existence seemed like the universe’s greatest secret were here and they were hungry, leading them was the betrayed prince fallen from grace so fast, so hard that now the nine realms were going to pay for it. S.H.I.E.L.D’s headquarters is in complete chaos, a constant hum of energy flowing from one corner to another, desperate eyes glued to screens uncaring for the time, Nick Fury fuming at someone or the other as a disarrayed Maria Hill talks in a composed voice barely cracking at the edges. _

_Meanwhile, in a small closet room, Steve Rogers was having his first panic attack. _

“Tired?” Wanda asks as she potters around in the Tower kitchen, limping as she carries a box of gummy bears to the couch and offers some to Steve.

“Very”

She smiles, or at least attempts to, “Get some rest, Steven”

Steve picks a handful from the box.

“I will”

He doesn’t. Sleep doesn’t come easy, it never has. But, he still walks to his room, takes off his gear and puts on cotton pajamas after washing whatever blood hadn’t been scrubbed off from the shower. Steve likes to think he isn’t afraid, he is very proud of the job he does, the people he saves, how he makes sure that a woman doesn’t become a widow or a child doesn’t become an orphan. He loves it until he doesn’t.

A more rational part of Steve knows that killing is a part of his job, that it's them against him but that doesn’t make it easier to throw the last punch. Hell, he had killed at least two dozen Hydra agents today, he is not a baby but he also can’t help but think maybe this is how they have to justify all their actions.

Physically, nothing hurts a lot, except a few cramped out muscles or a small wound inflicted by a knife which is already recovering and he is pretty sure it would be gone by tomorrow morning but a sick, twisted piece of his brain wants it to hurt. Just, so he doesn’t have to think about what _does _hurt, it’s been three years since his ‘rehabilitation’ but somehow he is still not here, as his soul is not here or something. His heart is sore like his cardiac muscles are going to give out. Steve used to think of it as a phase, something that would pass in a year or so but the phase has been going on for years and months and days and fucking forever, he likes to think it’s the serum’s fault that he is this way.

Steve looks down as he smells blood and looks down on his hands

He has rubbed them raw.

Steve grunts, wipes the blood with the white cloth towel and keeps it back in the basin and decides to deal with it later.

_Beep!_

Steve reaches for his phone as he checks the time.

4:08 A.M

_New Message from Bucky _

Steve will deny it till the end of time but his stomach does a little backflip when he sees the name on the screen. He and Bucky have been in touch, for a week now. Steve surprised himself when he talked to practically a stranger and then asked for his number but there was something, a feeling of the sort he couldn’t name that led him to take a step. They had only talked via messages and it had been friendly banter with some sarcastic, teasing comments here and there from both parties. Bucky is smart, has a good sense of humor, doesn’t approach dangerous topics and doesn’t ask awkward questions. It doesn’t hurt the case, that he has the most beautiful blue-green eyes he has ever seen or that his teeth are crooked and he has a lean-

_Nope, don’t go there. Its dangerous territory._

_Bucky- Hey_

Steve sits up a little straight his head against the headboard.

_Me- Hey. What are you doing up so early? _

_Bucky- Work, jus got of my shift._

They don’t text this late, once or twice they talked till two in the morning while Steve did sucky paperwork and complained about it.

_Me- anything interesting happens?_

_Bucky- Unless you consider a 17-year-old getting his toe broken, not much. _

_Bucky- Look, you can tell if I am overstepping my boundary or something. But, I saw the news about the Hydra bust and I just wanted to ask like, are you okay? I mean not seriously injured or something_

‘Much better now that you are asking about it’ Steve almost texts.

_Me- No bones were broken, not even a twisted ankle. I’m good. _

_Me-Plus I had a dozen apple flavor gummy bears. Life’s good._

_Bucky- Apple flavor? Seriously? The cola flavor ones are better. _

Steve smiles and then, thinks-

_Fuck it_

_Me- Are you free tomorrow evening?_

Steve bites the inside of his cheeks.

_Bucky- sure, what did you have in mind? _

_Me- Doughnuts? _

Bucky doesn’t answer for a minute after that.

_Bucky- 5:30? Works for you? _

_Me- yeah. At sals._

_Bucky- Ill be there, See you soon._

The thing is Steve doesn’t know what to expect, he has no idea if this is a date or if Bucky thinks it's one or if Bucky is even into men. But, for maybe the first time in years he is attempting to choose what he wants or thinks he wants or in simple terms what makes him feel alive, he doesn’t know if that’s an overstatement or not but he knows one thing. For the first time in a long time, he wants something.

And, that has to be a start. __  
  



	5. Chapter-5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I m so sorry. Work kicking my ass
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Rosa

_Bucky Barnes at the age of fifteen had graduated high school with a satisfactory result, he had opted for medical school just two weeks after and had miraculously received his admission letter inviting him to Columbia two weeks after when he turned sixteen, the only catch is moving to New York from Indiana. Which the sixteen-year-old Bucky didn’t think of like a catch, rather an opportunity to free himself._

_He left for New York in April, his father couldn’t make it for the see off on the airport (he didn’t know how he felt about that). His mother had cried, face red and flushed, tears streaking. Bucky wanted to console her, make it better, but a small part of him wanted it to hurt. Wanted his mother to feel pain, the same way he had when she had left. He didn’t like to think about that. _

_A week in New York had been an experience, the city was like a powerhouse. Huge, filled, no part dark or unlighted, it was breathtakingly beautiful, and lonely. _

_“Is the food good? Did you make any friends?” His mother would ask with an earnest tone and he wanted to tell her that the food is so nice though he missed Becca’s burnt toast and he made friends with two guys in Bio-Technology and his professor is really supportive, instead he replies “Yeah, it’s good.” _

_If it was his Nana he would even have told her about this cute guy who sits next to him in the café’s and that he has not properly slept in three days cause he is so excited about the Anatomy class on how to operate on the heart, but Nana is not here. She is dead, the one person who loved him is gone. He calls his mom ‘mom’ but it feels like a lie, that he is betraying Nana. _

_Flash forward to when he turns 19 and is celebrating the beginning of his internship at The City Atlantic, and he meets Alexander Pierce. Confident, cocky, handsome, and a little over 20, Alexander works for his family’s oil industry. It feels different, Bucky is not used to the attention. Alexander leans in and laughs at all his jokes and Bucky, to his surprise laughs back with the same vigor._

_The red flags were something that you don’t see from far._

“Someone looks excited” Mia sing-songs as she enters Bucky office, Bucky rolls his eyes as he hurriedly combs his hair “You know, if you have a date. You can tell me.” Bucky blushes, and reminds himself for the 100th time ‘this is not a date, its two friends meeting for doughnuts’. He arranges his binders back in the shelf, as Mia hands him a fallen piece of paper Bucky grumbles “It’s not a date.” He grabs the piece of paper and shoves it in a folder “Okay, so who is the new friend?”. Mia is probably Bucky’s best friend, knows more about him than his own damn family does, and he almost never lies to her or hides things on a principle that she has an inbuilt lie detector. “Someone who is going to be mad if I am late.” Amy squints her eyes and then says “Uh-huh”. As if Indicating that the conversation is not over.

Bucky runs out of the hospital, shouting ‘Bye Martha’ when the nurse waves at him. He reaches at Sal’s ten minutes late, its already half empty, with a couple in their late teens in one booth. Steve is sitting at the farthest booth, wearing a dark blue sweater and a big smile. And, Bucky’s inside exploded, he smiles back and before he knows it he is near Steve’s table and is taking a seat in front of him. “You have already started the party, I see”, he notices the glazed doughnuts along with a half-eaten cupcake. “Yeah”, he rubs the back of his neck and actually looks sorry. “I don’t mind, I am starving.” Bucky smiles again and digs in, “Rough day?”, Bucky eats a small bite from the vanilla cupcake, “A little, though I bet yours was a lot more interesting.,” Steve considers it for a moment and then responds with a “Nah, but I think that’s a good thing”

They talk about how good the cupcake is and how Steve appreciates Bucky checking up on him to which Bucky blushes so hard, he might as well permanently become red. “Does that hurt?” Bucky asks as he notices a small purple-colored bruise on Steve’s left cheek “Not much, it was fractured and now, just a little bruised.”

“Hungry?” Bucky asks as he sees Steve hog his side of the cupcake as well, and Steve immediately apologizes and keeps it back, “No, No that’s not what I meant. You can have it.” Steve shakes his head “It's fine really, this body gets a hungry lot faster, I am not really used to it.” Bucky being Bucky and a nerd of the highest level blurts “Is it that different?” and regrets it in less than five milliseconds and also feels like an ass, Steve must have to always answer this kind of stuff all the time and this is really not the time for his ‘curiosity’ to- “Yeah, really different. I mean the body produces a lot more heat than the average and hence runs out of the heat just as fast.” Steve says instantly,

“I am sorry that was weird. I really shouldn’t have-“

“It’s no problem. I mean you are a doctor.” Steve eats the last of his plate “I have heard they are quite the nerds.”

“Do you know what ‘nerd’ means?” Bucky asks

“This might come as a surprise to you but I do know it, they are like, obsessed with books and tech and like The Discovery channel.” 

“You’re wrong.” Bucky states “Geeks are obsessed with a topic whereas us nerds we _love and practice _our subjects of interest.”

“Aha! You just said _us,_ nerds.” Steve beams as he proves his point and laughs and naturally, Bucky joins.

“What is so funny?” Steve says as he tries to control his laughter, “You have a bit of cream on,” Bucky points to his jaw and Steve takes a napkin and tries to clean and somehow just smears it more.

“Here, let me,” He takes the napkin from his hand and brushes the cream off in a smooth stroke and then realizes he is very near Steve’s perfectly crooked nose and his annoying jaw which looks _oh, so smooth_. After he does that, he places the napkin on the plate and takes a full ten seconds to drink water and gather his already scattered thoughts. _Christ! What is wrong with him?_

Steve clears his throat and looks down at his watch, “I need to go” Steve says and Bucky thinks he has finally scared Steve off in under forty-five minutes. “You didn’t say anything,” Steve stars “I liked it, you know. Just, its S.H.I.L.D business and I need to go or Natasha is kicking my ass.” He smiles at the end of it like it’s a private joke. Bucky nods and they walk out together, Steve promises to text him and Bucky smiles again.

As, Bucky walks home all he can think about is that he finally has a new friend, someone to talk to who doesn’t see him with crippling pity and if this ‘friend’ makes him smile brighter and louder than anyone, well then that’s no one’s business.


End file.
